Manchester – Schalke 04 goalie and captain Manual Neuer was angry with his defenders again Wednesday as his team conceded four goals in the champion’s league semi-final match against Manchester United. Neuer yelled angrily at his defenders throughout the game, actions that he defended in his post-match press conference as “part of a Goalies job”.

Some members of Schalke’s porous defense took offence to the constant dressing-down, accepting that it is expected when they give up a goal but not on “every free kick, corner and completed pass.” The defenders say the constant scolding has extended to events off the pitch, describing one incident where Neuer yelled at them throughout a team dinner, “He is always angry at us," Said distraught and terrible Schalke defender Joel Matip, “What really set him off was me ordering Spaghetti Bolognaise in a Seafood restaurant, I’ve never seen him so angry.”

Coaches and real football players have always known that goalies are inherently very unhappy, angry individuals. The reasons are not completely understood, but it is assumed that most of their anger and general resentment stems from the two-pronged childhood trauma of being forced to stand in goal for 90 minutes while everyone else gets to run around and have fun plus being yelled at by both close family members and teammates every time the other team scored. When asked about this phenomenon, Neuer agreed with the accepted reasoning, adding that “being fat and unpopular” might also play a role.